jazztalk.net

"Were you drunk when you did that?"

This thread inspired by real comments made to me by my lovely wife...

How about "Unwelcome comments on a thread called unwelcome comments after a home-improvement project?" Brilliant, Rita.

My wife screams if she sees me with a hammer or even duct tape. I suck at every conceivable project. I fixed a sink once and I am going to be humiliated when a proper plumber shows up and asks WTF.

My 7th grade wood shop teacher said it best when he was looking over an electric lamp that I'd constructed out of a Foster's lager can: "Do you want to burn down your house?"

That's why it's better not to do stuff.

My brother-in-law could have done it for less money.

For what it's worth, I also agree that we could probably enjoy more mileage from a thread with a broader title, but it's not my thread.

Sorry for the comments from your wife, pig pen. Appreciative wouldn't be the first word to come to mind.

Ron Thorne wrote:For what it's worth, I also agree that we could probably enjoy more mileage from a thread with a broader title, but it's not my thread.

Sorry for the comments from your wife, pig pen. Appreciative wouldn't be the first word to come to mind.

I should have included a smiley after my initial post, it wasn't as nasty a comment as it sounds. My wife can be pretty direct and I jut thought it was funny and that others might get a laugh at my expense.

I agree about the thread title though, maybe we could broaden the appeal by making it more general. I just figured that I couldn't be the only one to have experienced this.

Whenever I get some new electronic or musical anything, Jan will say something like "Oh good, I was thinking we needed more wires" if she's in a humorous mood. If not, it's more like. "Do we really need more wires?"

Monte Smith wrote: I suck at every conceivable project.

I believe I would win the Gold medal in the mechanically disinclined Olympics. I strip every screw I tighten, I have never successfully assembled anything, ever, and most objects I tinker with are permanently fucked up after my ridiculous fumbles. I am also prone to losing my temper and smashing stuff to smithereens. I suck more, trust me.

I live alone so only I can comment on how wondrous I am. As this started out as a home reno thread I thought this was the place to post.

I've been transferring my new Zappa collection and was placing several discs on the self designed shelves I built for my considerable collection when the damn thing came off the wall but remained erect. Picture this. I'm half in the bag holding 1000 CD's on a rickety teetering shelf, alone, with no cell phone and no one within screaming distance. If I walk away....crash. I've been an musical improviser for about 30 years but this was by far my biggest moment. I was finally able to reach a piece of wood that I'd lazily stuffed behind the shelves and wedged it between the door jamb and the shelf. I could remove my hands but for how long. I rushed to get my tools and soon realized that I had no clue what to do, being half in the bag and all, and after a bit of panic my solo moment arose. I hacked some wood from the balcony and stuffed wedges between the shelf and the ceiling. That sucker won't come down with a sledge hammer now. I congratulated myself and had a drink.

stonemonkts wrote:

Monte Smith wrote: I suck at every conceivable project.

I believe I would win the Gold medal in the mechanically disinclined Olympics. I strip every screw I tighten, I have never successfully assembled anything, ever, and most objects I tinker with are permanently fucked up after my ridiculous fumbles. I am also prone to losing my temper and smashing stuff to smithereens. I suck more, trust me.

Here's my entry. I start to rage and/or cry just looking at instructions for assembling anything.

A. Kingstone wrote:I live alone so only I can comment on how wondrous I am. As this started out as a home reno thread I thought this was the place to post.

I've been transferring my new Zappa collection and was placing several discs on the self designed shelves I built for my considerable collection when the damn thing came off the wall but remained erect. Picture this. I'm half in the bag holding 1000 CD's on a rickety teetering shelf, alone, with no cell phone and no one within screaming distance. If I walk away....crash. I've been an musical improviser for about 30 years but this was by far my biggest moment. I was finally able to reach a piece of wood that I'd lazily stuffed behind the shelves and wedged it between the door jamb and the shelf. I could remove my hands but for how long. I rushed to get my tools and soon realized that I had no clue what to do, being half in the bag and all, and after a bit of panic my solo moment arose. I hacked some wood from the balcony and stuffed wedges between the shelf and the ceiling. That sucker won't come down with a sledge hammer now. I congratulated myself and had a drink.

Great story, Alan. Master carpenter indeed! But remember, be very careful when you go out on the balcony.

I knew I couldn't be the only one!

I suppose I should tell the story that inspired this thread. We have a large deck (800 - 900 sq ft - see pic below for a view from the back of the yard) and I was getting it ready for staining. I wanted to smooth out some boards that had some rough spots so I thought "why not just rent a floor sander and sand the whole thing. The deck being made of sofwood this was a more delicate operation than I had envisioned and I ended up with more rough spots than I started with. I have now gone over the whole thing on my hands and knees with a palm sander fixing my gouges. I have definitely paid for my time-saving idea.

I actually am not entirely hopeless when it comes to wood-related stuff. Plumbing and electrical are things that I have learned to avoid at all costs.

Building, and or putting things together isn't what bothers my wife....since I am really good @ that.


It's sitting through 10,000 hours of subtitles.....and directors cuts of them.

Scenes from a Marriage, Fanny & Alexander, or A Brighter Summer Day. Don't even get her started on Béla Tarr, or Andrei Tarkovsky! Oh Vey!^10.000! She always ends up asleep and in my lap. * Yet, I have to put up with all the Bollywood stuff. I end up asleep against her. *


* There is a method to my madness.

Jimmy Cantiello wrote:.......

Great story, Alan. Master carpenter indeed! But remember, be very careful when you go out on the balcony.

It could be a series of vignettes. The next being me hip deep in porch!

Scott Dolan wrote:

steve(thelil) wrote:
Here's my entry. I start to rage and/or cry just looking at instructions for assembling anything.

Oh,,Kelly and I excel at that. We double team it, though. She reads, I construct.

Jan and I team up too when it comes to assembling something by instructions, but differently. She calms me down, calmly figures out what the instructions mean, and tells me, step by step what to do. It's still harrowing for me.

Whenever we're doing a project together, when I get frustrated, Joanne always steps back, takes a breath and thinks about it. Then she "suggests". Most of the time she's right. It's just that I have a hard time admitting it.

Scott Dolan wrote:Kelly is a smart ol' gal. And I have absolutely no problem living with that and acknowledging it.

It's in my best interest.

Yeah, I've got the same situation. We do have some complimentary skills/abilities but unless the job is primarily brute strength I'm usually the one riding coattails.

My answer to an unwelcome comment is "it seemed like a good idea at the time."